I mean [imitates Hillary Clinton excitement] I mean, do you remember? He seems like he's always having a good time. Cathy Anne: No, no. Donald Trump says he's having a good time. Yeah, he said it all the damn time. But you know what? But if he ain't hanging out, with no Mexicans, and no blacks, and no gays, and no women, then he ain't having any fun.
And you [points to Michael Che] know that's the truth. Michael Che: Yeah. We had fun too. Cathy Anne: You know what? You know a bunch of people in the room that looks like him, that ain't no party, that's my parole hearing. That's it. They did not think I had changed. Michael Che: Wait. You're a felon? You can't even vote! Cathy Anne: No, well, I am a fugitive type situation and my innocence will be prevailed in the end.
I'll show you. Michael Che: I'll look forward to that. Cathy Anne, everybody. Cathy Anne: Thank you for saving it. Go Robama! Colin Jost: Many black athletes have come under fire for following Colin Ernick's lead in kneeling during the national anthem.
Michael Che: Yeah, I don't understand this. Michael Che: The national anthem was so important, how did they know somebody was kneeling? How'd they even notice? That's how boring the national anthem is!
Halfway through and you're looking around the stadium like, "I wonder what the backup quarterback for the 49ers is up to. Colin Jost: I I love the national anthem, you know? Michael Che: Of course, you do. It has this choreography that white people can handle, you know? It's just [place right hand on left chess over and over]. Just like step one of the "Macarena". Michael Che: [to Colin Jost] How are you single? It's mostly it's mostly white guys that are upset, you know?
And I can understand why white guys love the national anthem so much because this country is always being great for white guys. You absolutely should defend the national anthem. If I was white, I'd always defend the national anthem. I expect white guys to defend the national anthem like I expected Phylicia Rashad to defend Bill Cosby.
I'm I'm sure when people were protesting "the Cosby Show", Claire Huxtable was like, "I don't know what he did to y'all but he made me rich".
And I'm sure it's an inconvenient time to bring up such a heavy issue during the football game but it's a protest. It's supposed to be inconvenient. That's the whole point of a protest. It's just like if you at home and your girl's mad at you and you just want to unwind and watch the game and she walks right in front of the TV and stand there and go, "We need to talk".
And you're like, "Now's the game's on". And she goes, "Honey, you shot another kid! That's what the Kaepernick's doing. Besides, listen, Kaepernick is not the only one trying to raise awareness during the football game for a sad cause. They're turning uniforms pink for Breast Cancer tomorrow and nobody's upset about that. I bet if the police went around shooting unarmed boobies, everybody will take a knee.
Colin Jost: laughing I think you just said unarmed boobies. Michael Che: Well. Colin Jost: On the lighter side of this, now once again, "Weekend Update" presents, Michael Che: "TheWeeknd Update". Announcer: "TheWeeknd Update". TheWeeknd: I got a haircut.
Announcer: This is "TheWeeknd Update". Or for a different version of black history, give my grandpa Scotch. Michael Che: Oh now you're on my side? Colin Jost: laughing A man in Australia has been bitten by a venomous spider on his penis for the second time in five months. Here to talk about it is Big Papi himself, David Ortiz! David Ortiz: Yo, yo, yo, yo. Big buzza corn digo eljos! Colin Jost: Hey, you know, maso menos jo stay? David Ortiz: Shut up!
Man,we already got to deal with Tim Kane, man. Colin Jost: That's fair. That's fair. Now Big Papi, what do you think you'll miss most about playing at Yankees stadium? David Ortiz: You know, after all of this years, if I had to pick one thing, I probably say lunch. Colin Jost: You you miss lunch? David Ortiz: Yeah, yeah, that's right man.
Big stadium got a big lunch. You ever eat at a Yankee Stadium, Jost? Man, they got a mofongo, berchuka frita, sopa de spaghetti y norchata con jamon. It's like a sweet milky ham drink. Yeah, man. Colin Jost: Delicious. Now, I heard the Yankees also gave you kind of a farewell present.
David Ortiz: Oh, that's right, man. Mario Evera gave me a tiny box. I opened it up, big lunch. Inside there was mofongo, arroz con vegetale, chica on de beef steak, laughing iwasa kakoke casa frito. And then instead of playing baseball, everybody take a big nap. Yeah, the fans were no happy. David Ortiz: No. Colin Jost: And and do you know what you're going to do at the end of the season? David Ortiz: Oh yeah, bro! I endorse-ments. Colin Jost: Like like you do endorsements? David Ortiz: No no no no.
I endorse mints. You want your breath to be acceptable for fifteen minutes? Reach for "Mints". It's like brushing your teeth, but with sugar. Five out of five of dentists said, "Oh-oh". With "Mints"! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Colin Jost: So that is like a general ad for mints?
David Ortiz: Oh, I guess so. But, I do specific brands, too. Colin Jost: Yeah, okay. David Ortiz: Yeah. Do you like "Pepsi"? But you hate how sanitary it is? Then reach for "Hepsi"! So, when people ask, "You got Hep? Weekend Update SNL Newsbreak Saturday Night News Chevy Chase "I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.
Jane Curtin "Here now the news. Dan Aykroyd Bill Murray Charles Rocket "Good night and watch out. Gail Matthius Brian Doyle-Murray "Good night and good news. Mary Gross Christine Ebersole Brad Hall Christopher Guest Dennis Miller "Good evening. What can I tell you? Kevin Nealon "I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.
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